


Forever yours, in life and death.

by augustverse



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, Malec, Oneshot, malec oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:53:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6344704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/augustverse/pseuds/augustverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus tried to protect Alec's heart, but that didn't go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever yours, in life and death.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank Riley for the inspiration to write this, I also want to thank Taylor for proofreading it and for her reaction to this, it made my day. Also shoutout to G for having to listen to Taylor react without having any idea whats going on.
> 
> I'm sorry in advance.

_“You don’t have forever to love with that heart, or eternity to live with a broken one.”_

“So you don’t love me anymore?” Alec said to Magnus, his voice faltering, his eyes fixed on the ground between him and Magnus. Magnus just announced that he didn’t want to be with Alec anymore, for his own sake of course but Magnus can’t tell that to Alec, he knows that if he does Alec would protest.

Magnus knew that this would hurt, he knew that his heart would break if he did this but he wasn’t expecting it to hurt _this_ much.

Magnus felt a lump in his throat when he heard those words coming from Alec’s mouth. “No, no, Alexander I-” He absent mindedly took a step forward but he stopped as soon as he realized what he was doing. He can’t stand the look on his lover, now ex-lover’s face, he just wants to hug him, grab his face, look him in the eyes and tell him how much he loves him.

But he can’t. For Alexander’s sake, he can’t.

Magnus lowered his eyes, staring at his feet in fear that the look on Alec’s face would break him. “I still love you Alexander, I can’t just stop loving you, you were my first so many things and you’ll always mean a lot to me but I-” Magnus stopped, taking one last second to think about what he’s going to say next. He knew what he had to say and he knew what it would do to not only Alec but also his heart, but he had to do it.  With one deep last breath he raised his head, looking straight in Alec’s eyes. “I’m in love with someone else.” The second Magnus said those last words Alec’s head shot up, looking Magnus straight in the eyes.

It didn’t last long though, as soon as Magnus saw the expression in Alec’s wide blue eyes, full of heartbreak, shock and tears threatening to spill over, he looked away.

“I don’t want to keep lying to you, I’ve been in love with someone else for weeks now and I can’t just continue playing with your heart like this, it’s not good of me.”

Alec just stood there, looking Magnus straight in the eyes, shocked and silent with his mouth agape, he can’t believe this. In love with someone else? Who? Since when? Why?

“I, But Magnus we… I thought you-” Alec stuttered, at a complete loss of words. He has so many questions to ask but he doesn’t know if he can handle the answers.

Before Alec could continue Magnus shushes him, just like that time in his apartment, when Alec gave him his strength to save Luke, when everything was all right. Alec pushes the memories away.

“Don’t do this to yourself Alexander, you and I both know you can’t handle the truth. Just go back to your room and leave me alone.” Magnus said, feeling the burn of his heartache go to his eyes, he has to finish this quickly before he breaks down.

Alec can’t hold in anymore, he lets his tears spill, the sound of his sniffing made Magnus look away, he knew Alec would cry, he knew it would hurt but he didn’t know it would break him.

But temptation took over him, he knew that this would be one of the last moments he’d have with Alexander, he had to look up, he had to see his face one more time. For the last time.

Bad idea.

As soon as Magnus made eye contact with him he knew he’d done it. Not only did he break the heart of the love of his life, but he also broke his own.

“Goodbye Alexander.” Those were the last words Alec heard from Magnus before he turned away and walked off. Leaving Alec standing all alone in the hallway of the institute, tears streaming down his face, a lump stuck in his throat and his heart shattered into a million of unfixable pieces.

Magnus Bane just broke up with Alec Lightwood. For good.

~

The second Magnus takes his first step inside his apartment he falls down on his knees, holding his head in his arms and letting his tears fall down. He keeps saying to himself that this is all for Alec, that this is for the sake of Alec’s heart.

He had to break it once in order for him to make it stronger, but little did he know that that exchange, their break-up, would be the last time he would see Alexander Lightwood.

~

It’s been a few weeks since the break-up when Isabelle called Magnus. He’s been living his life, trying to show everyone that he wasn’t affected by the breakup. Every night he would be seen with another person on his arms, but whenever Magnus was alone his smile would fade away, he would take off all his make-up and glitter, he would dress down and lock himself in his room, his only companions being the alcohol bottles that he kept near his bed. Most of them were empty by the time he woke up.

Magnus saw his phone flash on, the caller id showed that Izzy was calling. He sighed, closing his eyes for a second before he picks up the phone and answers. “Hello there! Magnus speaking, who is this?” He said, trying to act as if he didn’t see the caller id, or maybe trying to act as if he forgot all about the shadowhunter gang. “Hey Magnus, it’s me Izzy, Isabelle Lightwood?” He heard the young shadowhunter say on the other line. “Oh yes of course! How are you doing?” How is Alec doing is what he truly wanted to ask, but he couldn’t. He tried to sound as if he wasn’t affected by the alcohol and the heartbreak, he tried to sound as if he was happy and not falling apart, but what Isabelle said next made his heart beat fast.

“I’m fine, but Alec isn’t. He hasn’t left his room in weeks, only if truly necessary, and when he does he looks like a complete mess, his eyes are bloodshot and he’s not eating. I know you two broke up and you’ve apparently moved on but please, talk to him.” Isabelle said, the image of Alexander with bloodshot eyes and skinny sunken in cheeks haunts Magnus’ imagination. Moved on? Him? Oh if they only knew.

“Sure,” Magnus managed to choke out, praying that Isabelle didn’t hear his voice crack. “I’ll call him.” And before Isabelle could thank him he hung up.

Magnus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, thinking of what he should say to him. What would he sound like? He hasn’t heard his voice in weeks. He misses it, he misses the sound of Alexander’s laugh, the sound of him calling out to Magnus. Every time he tries to think of his voice he hears his heartbroken, sobbing voice, begging him not to break up with him. Begging him to stay.

With one last deep breath he opened his eyes and grabbed his phone, that’s when he noticed his hands shaking, was he really this nervous? Come on, I’m Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, I shouldn’t be shaking because I’m calling my boyfriend. Ex-Boyfriend.

He took a few seconds to fix his composure but it didn’t really work that much. With slightly shaking fingers he dialed Alec’s phone number. One of the few phone numbers he knew by heart.

He waited and waited but no one picked up. He was about to hang up when he heard a voice, it was very faint. “Hello?” the voice choked out. It took Magnus a few seconds to register the fact that the owner of the voice was Alec, his Alec.

“Alexander?” Magnus asked softly, waiting for a reply. After a few seconds of silence he decided to just keep talking. “It’s me, Magnus. Isabelle told me how you were doing, she’s worried about you.”

There was still no reply, Magnus had started to worry. “Alexander? Are you there?”

After what felt like years he heard Alec’s rough voice speak. “I haven’t heard someone call me by that name in what feels like years. I miss you, Magnus.” He heard him speak out, he could almost hear him smile through the phone. Almost.

He knew he had to get straight to the point, before he let himself fall back into the spell of Alexander Lightwood. As if he ever got out.

“Listen, Alec, you need to move on. Stop thinking about me, stop thinking about the memories we had, stop loving me.” Magnus heard Alec take a deep breath at the last three words.

“Stop loving you?” Alec chuckled. “those weren’t the three words I expected you to say.”

Magnus knew he had to be rough, he knew he had to hurt him in order to fix him.

So with all his courage he spoke out. “I never loved you Alec. Don’t you get it? You were just something new I wanted to experience, you were just a toy for me to play with whenever I felt like. I can’t believe you never noticed. Do you really think I, an immortal warlock, would fall in love with a mortal shadowhunter like you? We’re complete opposites! I will live forever and you will die in a couple of years, you will be just another dot in my timeline. Do you really think I would risk my heart like that? So please Alec, hate me, resent me, do whatever you need to forget about me, go out there and find true love, find the person that makes you feel like they’re the gravity holding you in place, but please, forget about me. Please forget about our memories, our touches, our kisses, our laughs, our hugs, our glances. Please burn every photograph you have of us, every trace you have that proves that I was once in your life. Please Alexander, find happiness, because I know I won’t be able to give it to you.”

There was a long silence before Alec hung up, without even saying a word.

There were tears streaming down Magnus’ face, he knew that this would do it, he knew that he had to lie and hurt Alec in order for him to find true happiness, but god, did it hurt. He just wanted to call him back and tell him that all that he said was a lie. He loved him, so much. He doesn’t want him to hate him, resent him.

Forget him.

He doesn’t want him to throw out everything they had, to burn every memory they’ve ever shared.

But he had to, because he knew that Alexander doesn’t have forever to love with his heart, or an eternity to live with a broken one.

~

Magnus hasn’t left his apartment in months, he lived off of alcohol and leftovers from pizza orders. His apartment is a mess, it almost shows how much of a mess he is. Almost. He put a silencing spell on it so he couldn’t hear anyone knock, or yell, or anything. He hasn’t been answering anyone’s calls, in fact, he turned his phone off after he called Alec, after he broke his heart. After he broke his own.

His hair is a mess, he probably smells like old sewer. He hasn’t worn make-up in weeks, every time he does he just ends up messing it up by crying.

Of course all he’s been thinking of was Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and Alec. How he was probably pissed at him, how he hates him. How he’s probably following his advice right now, burning his pictures, forgetting about him, moving on.

Moving on. The thought of Alexander falling in love with someone else made him sick in his stomach, the thought of someone else laughing with him, touching him, kissing him, making love to him, he wanted to throw up. He wanted to be the one and only person to do that to him, but he can’t. For the sake of Alec’s heart and happiness, he can’t.

He looked at his phone, the urge to turn it on was strong, he thought about it for a moment before he reached out to grab it. He had to check if he had any messages from anyone. From him.

He turned his phone on and saw that he had 64 missed calls from Isabelle, 41 from Clary and 27 from Jace and 11 from Luke, he also saw that they sent him quite a few messages but he didn’t care about those. His heart started to pound, why did they call him so much? Did something happen to Alec? No, it’s probably because they wanted to yell at him for breaking Alec’s heart.

He tried to think of reasons why they would call him so much, why they would leave him so many messages. But his thoughts were interrupted when he was Clary’s name light up on his screen. Without any hesitation he picked up, but when he heard the words come out of Clary’s mouth he wish he never picked up. His heart stopped beating, his breath left his lungs. He felt as if he had died.

“Alec is dead.” That’s what she said, three words. Those three words were enough to make him feel like his soul has been ripped apart. He couldn’t make out any words, he couldn’t speak. He didn’t even notice that he let out a sob until Clary started speaking again.

“He got attacked by a high demon, it was one we’ve never seen before. The Iratze didn’t work, we needed a High Warlock to heal his wounds. Where were you Magnus? Why weren’t you answering your phone? Where were you when we needed you the most? When Alec needed you? You could’ve saved him Magnus. You could’ve saved Alec.” He could hear Clary’s tears through the phone. Or maybe those were his own?

He didn’t know, he didn’t care, he didn’t even try to hide his pain, he just let it all out. All the months of heartbreak and sadness came flooding out all at once. He wanted to break down, cry. He wanted to punch a wall, destroy everything in his path. But the thing he wanted the most was to hurt himself. He wanted to drink until he passed out, he wanted to forget everything that’s happened, he wanted to go back to when he and Alec were good, great.

He wanted to go back to when Alec was alive, but he couldn’t because he’s gone and it’s his fault. He could’ve saved him. But instead he was the reason that Alec was dead. Gone. Forever.

 

He didn’t attend the funeral, he doesn’t deserve to attend the funeral. Instead he spent his day alone in his apartment, thinking about everything he and Alec had, trying to find the reason to be happy again on the bottom of alcohol bottles, trying to drink the memory of the break up away. Trying to forget about the day he called him, the day he broke himself to try to make Alec stronger. But it wouldn’t work.

Alexander Lightwood is dead, because Magnus Bane was too busy pushing him away.

And that’s when he realized; Alexander Lightwood may not have had the heart to love forever, but Magnus Bane doesn’t have the strength to live with a broken one.

~

It’s been a few months after Alec’s death and Magnus is standing in front of his room in the institute. He hasn’t smiled since Alec died, in fact, he hasn’t smiled since he broke up with him.

When he entered the institute it was silent, everyone was staring at him but no one made a sound. They just let him walk to his room, they just let him be.

He’s been standing in front of Alec’s room for a good five minutes, trying to build up the courage to open the door. He was afraid, afraid as to what he might see, or not see. Did he take his advice? Did he burn everything?

There’s only one way to find out, with one last deep breath he opened the door.

It was exactly the same as when he was there the last time, the only difference is the lack of pictures. The last time he was in this room it was filled with pictures of both of them, smiling, hugging, just standing next to each other.

Now they were gone. All of them. Every picture of them is gone.

Magnus chuckled, I guess Alec did take his advice. Even though it broke his heart.

He walked to his bed and sat down, letting out a long breath. He ran his hands through his hair. He kicked his feet back and felt something under Alec’s bed. He got down on his knees and took a blue metal box from underneath his bed.

He sat back on his bed again before opening the box. The second he looked at the contents his breath stopped, inside the box were all the pictures they’ve ever taken, every single one of them. Even the ones he didn’t know existed. He took out every single one of them and looked at them, remembering every moment that was captured. On the bottom of the box was one folded piece of paper. He took it out, holding it softly as if it was something fragile and easily breakable. He recognized the handwriting the second he opened the letter.

It was Alexanders.

 

_Dear Magnus,_

_I know you’re never going to read this, but I’m just writing it all down to let my heart breath. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t burn every memory we have. Your words hurt me, they hurt me so much. But I can’t just hate you, I won’t be able to resent you and I will never, and I mean never forget about you._

_For you I might be just another dot on your timeline but you were the most important thing in mine. You told me to find the person that makes me feel as if they’re the gravity that keeps me in place, but the person that’s my gravity is you Magnus. You are my gravity._

_I know you think you can’t be the one to give me happiness but little do you know that you did, you gave me so much happiness, but you also took it away in an instant. You told me to burn every photograph, but I couldn’t. I can’t just burn away my heart. You taught me what true love was, you made my heart beat faster every time you walk by, you made my skin tingle every time you walked into a room. And I know that despite everything you said you still felt something for me, I saw it in the way you looked at me, I tasted it in your kiss, I felt it when you touched me. But even if you never loved me, I did love you. And I forever will._

_I will forever love you Magnus Bane, from the moment I laid my eyes on you, till the moment I draw out my last breath._

_Forever yours, in life and death._

_Alexander Lightwood._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. You can follow me on @rnathewdaddario to see if i'll post more fics and for little snippets of things i probably will never finish. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and leaving kudo's and all that!


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